| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2006|12:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mine | ] |
I promise you wont have to suffer
as i suffered
I promise you wont feel the pain
that i felt
I promise you will never be alone
like i felt
I promise i'll always be here for you
until the day i die
I promise i'll be here even then
trust me
I promise you'll never know hatred
like i feel
I promise i love you
more than you know
I swear to got i'll never hurt you
but you know what?
Gods not real
and i dont believe in promises. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2006|03:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Suicidal. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mezmerize~System of a down | ] |
well, another day...and it sucked. Alots happened....The kind of things that make me breakdown unwillingly..Yeah, i was in school...and i couldn't handle it anymore...i broke down, once. I went to the commons during lunch, where no ones allowed, so no one would see, and i just couldn't handle it anymore. My moms sick...she has disc degenerative disease, or however the fuck you spell it,and she has a tumor. shes always angry with me...and...my brother tried to kill himself.................
We dont even get along, the only time we talk is when we're arguing...but, i started thinking about it..i'd bet my life, right before he ran his car off the road, he was thinking 'allie would want me to anyway' ....i'm allie..and i cant stop thinking about it....i cant.
My dads coming home drunk...just..i dunno...all i can do is walk away... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2006|02:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
i'm so glad they care
enough to tell me there sick of me and to send me away,
because its what i've always wanted
was to be away from them
but, not for them to want me away
now theres nothing i can do
they need a break
a month....
i'm only 15, and there doing this to me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2006|11:29 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Firefly~Breaking Benjamin | ] |
I wish tonight would hurry up and get over. One of my friends is coming over tomarrow and we're going skateboarding. Finally, a weekend when i actually get to do something. So yeah, its freezing out, but oh well. Skateboarding has to be the best thing ever, well...very close behind music. Like, touching close. Oh finally, Korn is performing on SNL, they are so awsome. I'll never figure out how he can sing like that, its so cool!! Anyway, back to tomarrow. I think she's coming at like 11...early. but i cant wait. lol, i'll have to actually get up since she doesn't know where i live, but oh well. I hope my dads not around...that sounds mean, but, he's really mean. Other than that, nothing else is really to say. I guess thats it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|01:26 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | The Last Sunrise~ Aiden | ] |
Dear Friend,
Dec. 6
Well, its friday, and i'm going to my dads house. I'm not looking forward to it. Everytime, we fight, and i know what your thinking. 'then dont fight, its not that hard' and your probably right in most cases, but its not that easy. Everything i do is wrong. Every song i make on the guitar is wrong. Every song i make is wrong. Nothing i say is right. I end up sitting in my room, or leaving. Usually to the train tracks. I'm not sure why, but i find it calming. Hmmmm, 1 1/2 more hours and i'm leaving this school, and i'll be there. I saw him last night at my little brothers basketbass game. He didn't look happy to see me. You might be thinking, 'you probably just caught him at a wrong time or something, or maybe he was looking at something else' and your probably right again. I'm not really sure i guess, his wife, amy, doesn't like me. She has the perfect daughter, younger than me, a 'prep' i guess. Yup, perfect grades, lots of friends, completly opposite of me. Amy's admitted to not liking my older brother tommy much at all. Actually, my dads admitted that in more or less ways also. I dont like that very much, at all. Actually, it really pisses me off. I cant stand him. Now i need a reminder why i'm going.....Oh..skateboarding. Where i live with my mum, theres no roads, its all gravel. I wanted to go skateboarding....well...he doesn't get home until late...so..i wont even really have to see him right? hmmmmmm.. Ok, new topic... Warped Tour, this summer. I really want to go. My mom said if i dont end up in summer school again, i can go. She said she would just drop me off. Its being held innnnn, minneapolis i think...or the cities, shit, i cant remember. i think its minneapolis..DAMMIT. ok, i will find that out and get back to you. But, i cant wait. I'll admit, its going to be weird being there alone. I dont know anyone else thats going, and i dont know anyone in the cities. hmmm, maybe i'll meet someone there that i cant hang out with, that would be really cool. Well, thanks for listening...byeeeeeThe |
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| i'm sorry, i didn't want to continue... |
[Jan. 5th, 2006|01:41 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Stealing Society~ System of a down | ] |
Dear Friend,
Dec. 5
"The bomb is Falling"
"Bang, i died"
"Fell to the Floor, blood seeping out"
"The situation is unbarable"
"The wheel keep turning and i've been thinking"
"A simple mistake"
"My darling"
"Got drunk in this easy town"
"Impossible to get your attention"
"Laugh at me, never with me"
"Forget this easy town"
"Forget your attention"
"Forget my blood spreading on the floor"
"Situation is still unbarable"
"Forget my darling"
"The bomb has fallen and taken its affect"
"Stuck in this easy town"
"Bang Bang, I died, Forget my darling." |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 4th, 2006|01:57 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | I wanna be Sedated~The Ramones | ] |
Dear Friend
Dec 4
Hi, so hows it going? I'm really bored. My friend stopped talking to me..well, i cant say that, i just haven't seen her, at all, but, i wont make a big deal out of it. I woke up to my mom and brother arguing this morning. Why, its always before i'm even really awake. Then i just layed there with my cat listening intently, then trying not to. It went on for about an hour, i think. they just wouldn't stop. So, i got up, got dressed, doing the usual stuff. Went out, got in the way, as usual. I'm kind of running out of time, so, i'll finish later. byeeee, thanks for listening, in a way. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 4th, 2006|01:54 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | These Lights~The Forecast | ] |
THE FORECAST LYRICS
"These Lights"
Have you ever seen stars like these?
with a night like this wishin' it could last for weeks
and I'm convinced that soon you'll see
these summer leaves turn to a winter breeze.
[Chorus]
I will show you the country and all its secrets
like why these lights burn out so quick.
[x2]
Have you ever seen roads like these
with a sky so bright from the western light
and I've foreseen a new family
forged from blood and bone just off the coast
Put a record on they say it soothes the soul
and takes us back in time when we walked in fields of gold
with the radio playing these random hits
we'll move onto a western view
[Chorus]
I will show you the country and all its secrets
like why these lights burn out so quick.
[x2]
I will show you the country.
Tonight we ride to fight. [x6]
We'll drop our heads real slow to the ground
that's frozen cold and breath it in
and move our limbs to make those wings
begin again and wait and see
what tomorrow brings
And we will feast and fight
and tell tales of hangmen heroes lovers and pawns
Yeah, i realize there not very hardcore or anything, but i really like this song. It was on my Mosh cd, and i cant get it out of my head...along with a few others. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2006|01:45 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Goodmornin Da~The Tossers | ] |
Dear Friend,
Dec. 3
Hey, hows it going? Well, i'm back in school, and i dont like it at all. Somewhat interesting news. Theres a new rule in school now. The bathrooms are now closed off during lunch hours. I guess because of the 'graffitti' incident. I think i spelled that wrong. Oh well. I haven't been able to sleep for a while. Last night i was so hyper, by the time i was actually laying down, and somewhat getting tired my mom walked in and told me to get in the shower. I was kinda shocked, then mostly pissed. I'm really tired, now watch i'll get all hyper again tonight, and not be able to sleep. Sucks. Other than that, i'm reading a new book. its The Da Vinci Code. So far its suprising good. Yeah, i expected it now to be, honestly. I'm not religious, at all really. But i really like it. Hmmmm, what else to say, i guess thats really it. Well, my friend has a boyfriend now, she spends most of her time with him, when we're in school i guess. Thats really the only chance she gets i guess. So yeah, she's with him, and i'm wiht me. Fun. Ok. i'm really tired, i just want to go home....well..mayben ot home, just somewhere i guess. Well, i'll ttyl, bye
love always,
unstable teen |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2005|04:39 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | the crusher~the ramones | ] |
Dec. 28
Dear Person,
Hey, hows it going? I finally found some Operation Ivy songs!!! They rock. The ones i got are, 'Bombshell', 'Freeze up', and 'The Crowd'. They rock. I wish i had more, but i dont, so yeah, that sucks for me. Hmm, other than that. I've been having a bit of an obsession with The Autumn Offering, but who could blame me. they fucking rock. Oh, and The Tossers. there really awsome to! I have they're music video for 'Goodmornin Da' its really halarious. I like it alot. I was reading a review of Woodstock, the second one. GODAMMIT, i wish i could have gone!!!!! The Bands that went rock!!!! i'll give you a list later because i have to go, byeeee
love always
unstable teen |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 26th, 2005|07:29 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Teenage Lobotomy~the Ramones | ] |
Dear Friend,
Dec.26
Everything feels like its crashing down. Sorry, i haven't written in a while. Last night, really messed with me. It was like 10 pm. I walked down stairs, and went to ask my dad something. I walked in on him having sex. Something i never wanted to see. EVER. It was disgusting. At some point i think i started crying. Kind of pathetic. Sooo, yeah. an unwanted image. Ok, new topic. Today was weird. Went to Rochester. I bought a new guitar strap. Mine was shot. I also got some Adeline pins. There pretty cool. Other than that, maybe i'll get lucky and get wasted without being caught. Oh, i also got a cd, its 'chunk of Punk' its really cool. its got the dead kennedy's on its. Love them. I need a smoke. I'll write more later. Byeeee
love always
unstable teen |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 23rd, 2005|06:51 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Home- three days grace | ] |
Dear Person,
Dec. 23
Hello, how have you been? I've been ok. I know normally, i would just write about my day, but, i have a poem, an ironic one. So, here goes, and no, i didn't write it. i wish i did though.
'One night a guy & a girl were driving home from the movies. The boy sensed there was something wrong because of the painful silence they shared between them that night. The girl then asked the boy to pull over because she wanted to talk. She told him that her feelings had changed & that it was time to move on. A silent tear slid down his cheek as he slowly reached into his pocket & passed her a folded note. At that moment, a drunk driver was speeding down that very same street. He swerved right into the drivers seat, killing the boy. Miraculously, the girl survived. Remembering the note, she pulled it out & read it. "Without your love, I would die."
Well, i hope you liked it. i did, well, do. thanks for listening.
love always
unstable teen |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2005|01:53 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Territorial Pissings~Nirvana | ] |
Dear friend,
Today is going ok, its going by either really slow or really fast. I guess because i'm both looking forward to and dreading christmas. I dont know, i guess i dont really like getting present...well, ok maybe thats a lie. I think its just going to my grandmas house, on my dads side. I always feel really out of place there. I suppose i dont really make that much of an effort anyway, but still..We have 2 weeks off i think. Finally, something to look forward to! i read a new book. Its called, 'The perks of being a Wallflower' its the best book i've ever read. I know what your thinking, 'thats got to be the worst sounding book ever' but its not. I would recomment it to anyone who's out of place wherever they go. Its that good. For a quick review. Its about a boy, who writes to a person he think will just listen. He needs someone to hear him...His best friend kills himself, and he cant figure out why. He's left with no friends. Nobody will talk to him, everyone thinks he's disturbed. He cant figure out whats wrong with him. He eventually gets these 2 friends. And they are so awsome. Ones name is sam, and she's an awsome punk rocker. The others name is patrick. He's got the be the coolest person ever. And its just a really good, book, by the way, his 2 new friends are alot older, kinda. They eventually have to leave. And he's left alone until the come back. So, yeah, if it doesn't sound that good to you, then i'm a horrible explainer. Its my favorite book. Ok, yeah, i ramble, sorry. Other than that, not much else has happened. Well, have a good day. bye
Love
unstable teen |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2005|01:27 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Lithium - Nirvana | ] |
Dear Person,
Dec. 21
Hello, how are you doing? I didn't think it seem appropriate, that it just said, whoever. So, anyway, other than that. School, didn't go so well, like every other day. My friend sam, she's been having a hard time at home, and with a guy she likes. I wish i could help. I know what its like having trouble at home, meaning i also know, all i can do is just be there, even if that means not being able to do anything. I'll just have her over at my house as much as i can....Though, i'm not sure if that would be much better. Sam and i were talking over the phone, we planned what we would do on New Years. So far, it consists of streaking (in question), water balloons, toilet papering the park trees, ding dong ditch, movies, dyeing are hair (which isn't that unusual for me) Changing are identity, hanging out on the train tracks drinking or something, sparklers are still in question, and just sitting around in the jam room playing guitar and bass. From the way this sounds, you'd think we were 6 or something. It all sounds fun. Streaking in weather below zero, thats a new experience. But i dont mind. It sounds fun. We talked for a long time. It was good. One of my other friends is having a really hard time also. She just doesn't like herself, and i dont understand why. She's really smart, fun, and pretty. I just dont get it. Well..maybe i do. Ok, onto something else. School, it sucked. The cops here are so touchy feely. I dont think what i did was wrong. Though, i should probably explain it. All i did, was write what was i was feeling in the girls bathroom, on the walls. And most of it were just lyrics, like nirvana 'smells like teen spirit' and three days grace 'i hate everything' and breaking benjamin, 'so cold'. There were others but i dont remember. And basically just scribbles an such. I mean, whats wrong with that. I'd write it in my notebook, but its not as affective. Maybe i want people to see it. I doubt it, but maybe. Maybe it was to let people in my school, know, not everyone is ok here. That not everyone can be perfect, get good grades, and some people do have problems, that you dont pay any mind to. Not that they should, but before they diss someone, maybe they should realize what that person is going through, before they add onto it. Then again, maybe i was just being rebellious to the school authority. That happens to me alot. I hate the rules. Well, bye
love always |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 20th, 2005|06:19 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | So Cold -Breaking Benjamin | ] |
Dec. 20
Dear whoever,
First of all, i'm sorry to bother you so much, in one day that is. Its just, i guess i just really need to talk, or else i think, to much. Ya know what i mean? I ended up having to go to a shopping place with my mom, since she was letting me ditch, it sucked. By the time we were even nearly done, i wished i had just gone to school. I'm not exaggerating. I was just standing there asking myself 'Why the hell couldn't i just go to school, at least there i can sleep' Yeah it was just that bad. I hate shopping with her. I coud be hyper all day, then when she makes me go shopping with her, i'm so fucking tired. I just want to sleep. Though, there was one good event. We went to the tattoo parlor, looked at some stuff. She was going to let me get my nose peirced. I wanted a loop on the side. I dunno, but i've always like those. But, sadly the guy who does the peircing, wasn't there until 3, and it was only noon. That sucked, but i wont complain. Other people have it so much worse. So, we left. She said we could go back sometime soon. So, i'm think probably next year, or month if i'm lucky. I bought myself the 'Breaking Benjamin' cd. I really like it. Actually, once i think of it, i've been buying a lot of cd's latley. I shouldn't do that, since i'm saving to buy my dads Marshall Half Stack. I've always wanted it. It makes the Bass guitar sound so awsome, even if it is a guitar amp. It works just as good, plus, i love the metal sound that comes as a result. I really dont want to stop writing, but i think i should for the sake of your eyes...its funny. the way i write, you would think i were talking to someone. it would be kind of cool if i were, but i think this remains 'unfound'. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 20th, 2005|05:28 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Asleep ~ The Smiths | ] |
Dec. 20
Dear whoever,
You know, i dont eve know why i bothered to decorate this journal thing. I think maybe because, its probably going to be like my santuary at times. That sounds kind of weird, sorry, i hope that doesn't freak u out. Anyway, my day went ok. I ditched. I dont really think anyone noticed. My mom called after school, she was just going to tell them that i was sick, the secretary said nobody marked me absent. Nobody noticed i was gone. I suppose i should take that to my advantage. At least i know i can ditch a class to go smoke out in the parking lot now. Not much other than that has happened. I have school tomarrow, and i think i might actually have to go. I dont want to go back to summer school. It sucked. Plus, i ended up at my dads house alot, since he lived a few blocks away from the alternative school, thats where the summer school was, just in case. And the fact i have to walk there at 8 in the morning, doesn't arrouse me if you know what i mean.
love always
unstable teen |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 20th, 2005|05:06 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | scars- papa roach | ] |
hmm, i know no one will end up reading this. I just needed someone to listen, without telling me i'm wrong or its illegal, or something like that. Just a way to vent i suppose. I wont use my name. i'm just another unstable teen after all.
.
.
.
.yeah, thats all. |
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